Saturday, October 11, 2008

Happy National Coming Out Day! :)~

Last year I posted about how I came out to my dad... and then deleted it after 2 days... Well I'm going to try this again... and maybe I will keep it this time....maybe!

So... A tiny bit o back story here.....
My dad is a "Born Again Christian" ....It was the religion I was raised in, and conformed to till the age of 26..... For over 10 yrs. I had suppressed my feelings because I was led to believe that God wasn't going to love me anymore if I were to have sexual wants and desires that involved women... The people in my church would've prayed over me and asked god to heal me and would've tried to "cast the demons out of me. "...For Realz!... "The Demons"

So when I was 26-27 I stopped going to church and I finally started coming to grips with My relationship with My god, and what that meant to ME... Why would this loving god just stop loving me because of who I loved???... Why?!?!?!.. and then I had this epiphany one day while listening to an Etheridge tune called "Talking to My Angel.... It just made me realize that "everything was going to be alright! "

So with all that said ... here is the short version of my "coming out to my dad"...

It was 1994.....I was at my then girlfriend Becky's house. I had called home to check the messages on the answering machine, and my step-monster had left one saying that I needed to call my dad right away!!!... That Jay...(my ex) had come over for dinner and had told them things.... That my dad had asked him if he thought that we would ever get our act together and finally get married already......

So Jay tells them that I didn't want to date men anymore....that I was a lesbian and was with women now.... That's right ...around my father's dinner table without me there he had the balls to tell my family that I was gay....

Granted it was partly my fault for confiding in Jay a month earlier. I had told him that I had started seeing a woman, and that I didn't think it would be a good time if we were to try to get back together again right now... I know I hurt him in many ways with this...From his ego to his heart and everywhere in between... but I seriously didn't think that he would lash out like he did....

Soooo anyway.... I called my dad's house and the step-monster answered... she told me that I needed to talk to my dad right now.....I told her that I wasn't ready to discuss this with them yet, and that I would do it in My time.... My way! .....

You know...it's funny...even funny Ha Ha!..... I don't even remember the conversation I wound up having with my dad about being gay... The Jay story is way better anyway....Ha!

Here are the lyrics to the Melissa Etheridge song that helped me come to grips with my sexuality... I'm sure the words had a totally different meaning to her... but it shouted to me that it was ok to come out of my little closet and say Yes I Am to the world!!! :)~


Talking to My Angel

Don't be afraid
Close your eyes
Lay it all down
Don't you cry
Can't you see I'm going
Where I can see the sun rise
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

I've always had to run
I don't know just why
Desire slowly smoking
Under the midwest sky
There's something
waiting out there
That says I've got to try
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

This town thinks I'm crazy
They just think I'm strange
Sometimes they want to own me
Sometimes they wish I'd change
But I can feel the thunder
Underneath my feet
I sold my soul for freedom
It's lonely but it's sweet

Don't be afraid
Close your eyes
Lay it all down
Don't you cry
Can't you see I'm going
Where I can see the sun rise
I've been talking to my angel
And he said that it's alright

3 comments:

Darlene said...

Thanks for sharing. Every year I say I'm going to write mine but, I never get around to it. lol By the way, check this out.
http://www.wouldjesusdiscriminate.com/

I have the shirt. lol

Jess said...

Glad you came out :) I do love that song.

You'll have to play it for us. :)

Tina-cious.com said...

What an awesome story... KEEP IT UP THIS TIME!! :)